You may have read my dilemma about holiday cards. Well, I decided to do them.
They’re actually New Years’ cards. Mostly because I got around to ordering them on the 7th night of Hanukkah and the way I procrastinate with my to-do list, I’d be lucky to get them out by Christmas. I figured December 31st would be doable.
I had about 15 stamps in my wallet, but needed more to finish off the pile of cards. I scooped up Alexa and headed to the post office on Monday morning. I dropped the previously-stamped cards down the chute and took my place in line with the other merry mailers. When my turn finally came, I requested two books of Forever stamps from the nice man behind the counter.
“Are the stamps for these cards here?” he asked.
Ooh, I didn’t realize they would stamp my cards for me! This must be a new service.
“Yes.” I replied with a smile.
“Well, then you need to get the 46 cent stamps because you have a square envelope and they cost more.”
ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME? THAT’S INSANE! IT’S A STUPID SQUARE, NOT A GOLD-PLATED TREASURE CHEST! WHY DIDN’T ANYONE NOTIFY ME OF THIS BEFORE I ORDERED THE CARDS? FURTHERMORE, I JUST DUMPED MORE THAN A DOZEN OF THEM INTO THE DROP-BOX ABYSS! WHAT DO I DO NOW?!?!?
I calmly informed the man of my dilemma. He explained that the envelopes I already deposited will be returned to me within a week to 10 days. I told him that I couldn’t wait that long and told him that I dropped them into the slot no more than 10 minutes ago. Couldn’t I retrieve them somehow?
He proceeded to open a door leading to the chaotic innards of the post office. Standing before me was a large dumpster filled with cheery cards of all shapes and sizes.
“Be my guest.” he said.
I spent the next 15 minutes fishing my cards out of said container. I’m pretty sure I got them all, but not 100 percent certain.
Then I had to get back in line to buy the 46 cent stamps since I didn’t do it the first time. I was so annoyed by the whole situation that I also forgot to get stamps to complement the ones that I retrieved.
So… if you get a New Years’ card with a Forever stamp next to a 46 cent stamp, you’ll know why.
And if you don’t get your card at all, it’s because I don’t know you it’s still in the dumpster.
Yeah, that’s it.