January 2011 Archive

Noise

Something inside of me thrives on the chaos of being in over my head. Busy. Overwhelmed. Harried. In constant motion. When things are too calm, I feel inner unrest. I welcome quiet, yet complete silence feels unnerving. Perhaps that is why my therapist suggested I’ve been acting a bit manic.

One thing I have learned is not to take children on errands while they are between the ages of one and three. There is simply no point. From hiding in clothing racks to pulling food off of shelves to accidentally knocking over displays, simply put – it’s a nightmare. But today I decided to man up and take both kids on errands for the first time and I loved it!

Three hours of non-stop shopping and we all survived. Ryan got a haircut, we hit two clothing stores (so I could fill in the kids’ wardrobes for our upcoming trip to Florida), we shared a meal together (at a restaurant!), stopped by the drugstore and ended with a trip to the supermarket.

There was no bribery and no time-outs. I was constantly in motion between refilling straw cups, bottles, changing diapers, rotating stroller toys, making up games, counting to three, putting clothing up against them to approximate size, giving praise, alternating holding each child and sweating.

I almost lost Ryan a few times, but who’s counting. He almost knocked down a store display, made a mess of a basket of bouncy balls and nearly got himself wedged under a clothing rack, but I got everything I needed and nobody was crying, bleeding or being read their rights so I considered it a successful outing.

Although I know many people go on errands with a whole mess of monkeys, I am just not cut out for such things. You’re probably thinking, “I do that every day and it’s not a big deal.” But you know what? It is a big deal. I give you a lot of credit. You know those women who simultaneously manage quadruplets, two dogs, head the Girl Scout troop, volunteer their time to worthy causes and win county baking contests? I am not one of them. But there was something about the noise, the chaos, the constant motion and the feeling of being in over my head that made me work at my optimum level of energy.

I think this is why I desire to add ”businesswoman” to my resume even though I feel like hitting myself for taking on something that might put me beyond what I can handle at the moment. For thinking that starting a home-based business is acceptable even though my full-time job is taking care of the kids, knowing that I can’t give it 100 percent but doing it anyway. Although I always hated the idea, it somehow feels peaceful to have so many loose ends. To pile more “stuff” onto my to-do list. If everything was neatly tied and all projects were completed, I think I would drown in an abyss of boredom.

For someone who has a sign next to their bed with the quote, “Nothing to do, nothing to do, what a happy thought” – I can’t believe I’ve jumped over to the dark side.

Posted by Dani in Women and tagged with errands, noise

How to Starve Your Child: A Primer

Alexa is a “petite” baby. At her 9 month checkup, she was in the 50th percentile for height and between the 10th-25th percentiles for weight. Because Ryan was a normal chubber before he began walking, people assume Alexa is smaller because she was breastfed longer. But the real reason is because I have inadvertently been starving her. And I’m pretty sure this is part of the reason why she’s been waking up waaaaaayyyyy too early recently.

This is how you, too, can starve your poor, innocent baby (tongue-in-cheek, of course):

1. Stop breastfeeding and then completely lose track of how much she drinks and eats in a day, since you’re used to feeding on demand.

2. Go to the doctor for a well visit and when asked about her food intake, mention something like 32 oz plus 2 jars of food. (Doctor said she should go up to 3 jars.)

3. Go home and actually keep track of her food intake and realize that she’s actually somewhere around 24 oz plus 2 jars. That’s like the equivalent of missing a whole bottle! Turns out she doesn’t finish all of the bottles and those leftover ounces really add up when you count them…

Do you think she hates me because I was starving her or is secretly glad because she doesn’t have my thighs?

P.S. Today she got 28 oz and 3 jars. I tried, but she fell asleep on the bottle.

I suck.

Posted by Dani in Babies

Manic Monday/Footprints in the snow

My therapist says she detects some manic behavior in me and I have noticed it, too.

The symptoms?

I am either exhausted or my mind is spinning at breakneck speed at all times.

I don’t have enough hours in the day to complete everything I want to do, so I deprive myself of sleep to fit it all in.

I have been on an anti-depressant since having Postpartum Depression in April 2007 yet I haven’t been depressed in the 3+ years since then. I only stayed on the meds to guard against PPD once I gave birth to Alexa and I also noticed a change once when I started weaning off of them so I decided against it. Perhaps the meds have served their intended purpose and are now shifting me into high gear the other way…

When I had Ryan, I couldn’t imagine doing anything other than playing, feeding, changing and trying to build a life with him. It was all too overwhelming. After Alexa, it was completely different. I actually felt guilt because recently I began itching for something more, something for me, something separate from “Mommy”. Not enough of an itch to abandon staying at home (which I still love), but more of a nagging desire for a creative outlet to call my own.

“Does this mean I felt like Ryan was enough to have in my life and with Alexa it isn’t?” I ask my therapist with more than a twinge of guilt.

Then I answer my own question – perhaps at some point I figured out how to be a Mom and felt confident enough with it to begin slowly unwrapping a piece of myself that had been covered for some time.

The blog was enough at first. No sooner had I started writing my first post when the laundry went by the wayside and Cory complained that I didn’t spend enough time with him at night. Once we tweaked some things there, I thought hey – let’s add an accessories business to the list – downtime and sleep are overrated anyway!

Now I can’t stop thinking about how I need to get it going – fast – so I can make enough money to keep Ryan in his insanely expensive school, so we can open the pool this summer, so we can finally go back to Cape Cod. Truth is, I may feel the urgency to do everything yesterday, but nobody is holding a gun to my head. I am in the process of getting a company name approved, a logo and a website built. I am building a product inventory I can feel comfortable with before I begin selling anything. I want to do it right. And if this takes four more months or four more years, I will do this. Because I want to. I just need to slow down. And sleep.

I walked outside ten minutes early today before Ryan’s bus came. Lexi was napping and I just wanted to stand in the peaceful silence of my street. There was soft, untouched snow surrounding me and I poked the toe of my boot into it, watching the glistening powder fall in different directions. I moved to the deeply-packed snow on my driveway, making an intricate pattern of zig-zag footprints that Ryan would most definitely admire. I bent down and scooped up a handful of the pristine, delicate snow and watched as it melted and dripped down my hand. When was the last time I really stopped?

I realized that most afternoons, I rush Ryan into the house when he just wants to take a slow walk instead - concerned that Lexi woke up, that it was too cold to linger outside. Where did this urgency come from? Of course it’s not possible to always slow down and enjoy every detail of our day, but I do want to make a more conscious effort to give Ryan his own footprints in the snow because I am finally making mine – and I could learn a thing or two from him about slowing down the pace.

Posted by Dani in Women and tagged with guilt, juggling, manic, time management, work at home

10 Things I Swore I’d Never Do as a Mom

“Can I please have a medium iced coffee with nonfat milk and two Splenda?” I ask as I pull up to the McDonald’s drive-thru. Lexi is asleep in the backseat and I am reveling in the silence as I happily order my daily jolt of caffeine.

“That will be $2.81. Pull around to the first window.”

I never frequented McDonald’s until I began drinking iced coffee at age 33 (having two kids drove me to drink the brew after a lifetime of hating the taste) and I still can’t remember the last time I ate their food. My parents were never into the fast-food scene and I never got the itch for a Happy Meal, so it’s not like I felt deprived of anything. I remember, though, when Wendy’s introduced their “healthy” salad bar. My parents and I used to go on occasion and I would load up my plate with some disgusting combination of salad, noodles, pudding and jello. Yummy.

Being a newbie, I asked around for people’s opinions on good coffee. When I was in PR, I used to promote the Dunkin’ Donuts brand, so Starbucks was the enemy. I think in my 5 years there, I had two cups of coffee. I just always hated the taste. My friend LL told me about McDonald’s. What could be better – I didn’t have to get out of the car and schlep the kids.

So anyway, I was in the car one late afternoon recently with the kids and we pulled up to McDonald’s. Ryan was hungry and we needed to get home quickly as dinnertime had already passed. His incessant whining about needing his hundredth snack was grating at my nerves. I scanned the McDonald’s menu and tried to find something Ryan would find palatable. There were chicken nuggets and Chicken Selects. The Selects looked like a high-class version of a nugget and kind of like the tenders that Ryan liked at home. I swore up and down I would never give my kids fast food, but at the moment it seemed like the best solution.

“Can I please have a medium iced coffee with nonfat milk and two Splenda? Also, a 3 piece Chicken Selects with honey mustard, please. Thanks.”

The crispy coated tenders got the thumbs-up from Ryan. And so it got me thinking about the things I swore I’d never do as a Mom… until I became one. Giving fast food to my kids is #1 and here are the other 9:

#2. Wipe something off of my kid’s face with spit. I hated it as a kid and swore I’d never do something so disgusting. It took me less than a year to spit-wipe food off of Ryan’s face. It just came naturally.

#3. Plop the kids in front of the TV in order to get something done. I didn’t let Ryan watch TV until he was 2 years old and even then TV time was relegated to one show a day. Fast forward to now – hahahahahahaha! Thank you, TV. Thank you.

#4. Answer a question with ”Because I said so!” I always hated this as an answer. It is such a non-answer, similar to “Because I’m your Mother, that’s why.” But I recently used it. It was the only response I could think of when there really was no good explanation.

#5. Smell my child’s rear-end while holding him/her up in the air. It just doesn’t seem normal when you think about it, but how else are you going to figure out if that smell is coming from your kid?

#6. Put my kid on a leash. I bought that leash/backpack thing for a trip to Disneyworld about two years ago. Best thing I ever did. You really think a 2 year old is going to hold your hand in a huge crowd for hours? And yes, we had a stroller but you know how fruitless it is trying to keep your toddler in a stroller all day when all they want to do is walk. So it was a win/win situation – we took comfort in knowing that Ryan was within arm’s reach and he had the “freedom” to walk on his own. It looks beyond dumb and I’m sure there are those of you who think it’s cruel and unusual, but it was a lifesaver.

#7. Pick my child’s nose. Sometimes it’s just a more “targeted” method to get that stubborn booger out than using a tissue. They just don’t get the whole nose-blowing thing and I don’t carry an aspirator everywhere I go.

#8. Use the 5-second rule – on pacis, food, etc. Sometimes you just can’t get to a sink with hot water or you just don’t have another peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the car. Plus, a little dirt is good for the immune system.

#9. Let my baby cry it out. Well, we all know how THAT turned out!

#10. Leave the house wearing what I slept in the night before.

So……… what’s on YOUR list?

Co-sleeping?

Bribes?

Formula feeding?

Toys spilling out of every room?

Posted by Dani in Lists and tagged with because I said so, Mc Donald's, spit-wipe, swore I'd never do

When It Rains, It Pours (and floods…)

It has been an incredibly cold, snowy, depressing winter here in New York and we’re not even a month into the season. I’m not a fan of wintertime, but I know it has to happen so I can collect Birthday gifts and such. Still, I’m ready for it to end.

The past few days we’ve had snow on top of snow and rain on top of that. This has resulted in our third basement flood (even though we had a gravel window well put in about two months ago after flood #2) and now the guest room has bubbled-up walls just threatening to burst as well as a steady drip leaking from the ceiling onto the bed.

I’m a believer that when it rains, it pours – and yesterday was proof of this both literally and figuratively. Along with our new indoor waterfall, I received two interesting opportunities. One was an invitation for me to check out Club Mom’s new Wellness Center in Huntington (Long Island, NY) to be a guest speaker at one of their workshops. They offer fitness classes like yoga, Zumba and Pilates plus a variety of other classes and workshops, babysitting services, a Mompreneur program for budding entrepreneurs with coaching and networking events, special events, Moms Night Out, therapy, massage, you name it. I can’t wait to check it out in person – and you should, too, if you’re nearby. (UPDATE: CLUBMOM IS HAVING A FREE ONE-WEEK PASS FROM JAN. 31- FEB. 4. FEB. 3 IS THEIR FIRST MOMS’ NIGHT OUT EVENT AT 7:30. I WILL BE THERE AND I HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE, TOO!)

The other was a call from a producer at WCBS-TV in NYC who saw my post on Secret Spending and wanted to bring me in for an interview. She was producing a story based on a study that came out showing that 80% of couples lie about spending (both men and women). We got as far as setting up a date for me to come in when I gave her my one “demand” which was publicity for my blog. I mean, why would I go on TV and share ways that I hide purchases from my husband if I’m not going to get anything good out of it? She wasn’t able to comply because my blog really has no tie-in with her story, so I politely declined. Also, I discussed it with Cory and what I do isn’t really isn’t “secret” so I’d basically be going on TV and lying about lying. Not great for my image. The intriguing part was that I was given the choice to either be on camera or to sit behind a silhouette to protect my identity. Other than this being the opposite of what I wanted, I still think it would be cool to be the woman behind the silhouette. I could just see the caption - ’Dani, Secret Spender’ – and they could disguise my voice and everything. Love it.

So even though I won’t be featured on the local news, the opportunity gives me something to blog about next – my not-so-secret spending tips as well as tricks I’ve learned from the best of them. You, too, can find out the little white lies behind how to hide purchases without getting a divorce.

Stay tuned!

Posted by Dani in News, Women and tagged with awesome birthday gifts, clubmom, flood, leak, secret spending, snow, WCBS-TV, winter, www.clubmomli.com

Picky Eater update – he ate tomato sauce!

Got an overwhelming personal response to my recent post on picky eating (next time do me a favor and comment on the blog so everyone can see!) and wanted to post an update that kind of goes along with Jessica’s comment about veggies hidden in tomato sauce. Of course Jessica scores points with me because she actually cooks, rather than just prepares, but we all know how I feel about cooking. Moving on…

Last night, I introduced Ryan to a meal that I picked up at Whole Foods in the frozen aisle as I was whizzing by – Kidfresh Totally Twisted Pasta + Meatballs. It was aesthetically pleasing, all natural with tons of hidden veggies inside. I had plain pasta waiting in the wings so I figured why not try a whole meal?

He ate about a quarter of the pasta and none of the meatballs. I considered it a wild success because Ryan had never eaten a tomato or allowed tomato sauce to cross his palate. WIN!

Fast forward to this morning. I woke up, scrolled sleepily through my e-mails and stopped when saw a message from a guy I went to college with that was in Cory’s fraternity. Apparently he and his wife are fans of my blog. He was a senior when I was a freshman and I was slightly in love with him and his two friends (sorry beautiful-wife-who-reads-my-blog, but I’m sure you know he’s a nice looking dude and of course you’re gorgeous – sigh). Anyway, he is involved with Kidfresh and wanted to suggest something new for Ryan’s rotation.

I asked if he was somehow in my kitchen last night because I had just introduced Ryan to Kidfresh.

Nope, just a weird coincidence. He suggested I cut up the meatballs and sneak them in on a fork and sprinkle some parm cheese on top. There are more meal varieties coming out soon as well and we’ll be sure to try again. Did I mention Ryan had tomato sauce?!?

Run, don’t walk, to the site to print out a coupon and check out the product line.

Enjoy!

Posted by Dani in Buy This!, Reader letters and tagged with Kidfresh, picky eater, tomato sauce, Whole Foods

Reader Letter – Picky Eaters

Thought you may have interest in this one since it affects so many of us – the picky toddler’s meal rotation. As you’ll see, I don’t have all the answers, but maybe you can provide tricks that worked for you and together we can help broaden our kids’ menus!

My son just turned 2 and will only eat chicken nuggets and pasta with butter. I don’t know if it’s just normal picky eating but he won’t try anything new! What kinds of food did Ryan eat at that age? Any ideas for me?

Hmmm… Ryan also has his “rotation” (pictures below) but he’s a pretty good eater in general. I don’t have the answers to miraculously get your son to eat asparagus or filet of sole but my method consists of making Ryan at least try something new once every week or two. I introduce the new food in a single piece on a plate of food that he already likes – this way, I don’t have to throw out the entire dinner and start over again. I tell him that if he puts it in his mouth and doesn’t like it, I won’t make him eat it anymore – no questions asked. This has resulted in “Hey, I like it!” maybe 2 out of 5 times with the other 3 times consisting of food being spit back onto his plate. Not bad, I guess.

It always amused me when family members suggested that Ryan stop eating the same things all the time – give him a carrot, have him try some hummus, surely he’ll eat salad… I would say I’ve tried and he just doesn’t like it - yet. I do believe eventually he will broaden his taste in cuisine but for now, I generally stick with what he likes so I don’t become a short-order cook.

Ryan’s current breakfast rotation - mini bagel with cream cheese/butter, oatmeal with raisins, waffles, yogurt, french toast sticks

Lunch – peanut butter/sunbutter and jelly, cream cheese and jelly, turkey in a tortilla wrap with american cheese and Goddess dressing, mac n cheese, challah with butter, yogurt, popcorn chicken, grilled cheese, hot dog, chicken patty sandwich, pizza

Dinner (some overlap with lunch) – popcorn chicken (baby food carrots mixed into his ketchup), pasta with chicken, hot dog, fish sticks, pizza, mac n cheese, broccoli and cheese ravioli (pretty much the only vegetable he eats b/c he doesn’t realize it’s there)

Sides (at least one in every meal) - bananas, strawberries, cheese sticks, applesauce

Side note – Ryan doesn’t like cereal which I think is kind of funny. I thought it was just because of the sogginess when it mixes with the milk, but it’s actually cereal in general. Don’t kids usually like cereal?

Please feel free to include your rotations as a comment below because I’m sure you have some great ideas we all could learn from. In the meantime, I’ve listed some of the brands that we love below:

Posted by Dani in Reader letters

Thank You!

I wanted to thank you all for clicking the “Vote For Me” button at the top of my sidebar at Top Mommy Blogs. As of today, I’m ranked #124 – not bad for only 3 months in the blogosphere! (Update 1/18 – #100 – wheeee!)

Please click the button whenever you feel “click-y” to help my ranking and visibility – unique visitor votes are tallied daily. Thanks again for all of your support and love.

Posted by Dani in The Playbook and tagged with Top Mommy blogs

34

January 12th, 2011.

My 34th Birthday.

Also my father-in-law’s Birthday. (Cory and his father-in-law share the same July Birthday as well – weird, right?)

We got 17 inches of snow. Ry’s school was canceled, ditto my first Music Together class with Lexi. Cory and my parents worked from home. Full house. The streets were plowed quickly and to our pleasant surprise, we were able to keep our dinner reservation. I had a great martini and delicious food, Cory’s brother kept Ryan entertained and Lexi was exhausted but both kids were really well behaved.

My Birthday is very important to me. I’m the poster child only child when it comes to this. There are rules – you can’t say anything rude, no cursing, I have to take pictures of the date on the Channel Channel (see below) at midnight or 5:23 p.m. when I was born, no American Greetings cards from Cory – only Hallmark.

My parents always had the most beautiful cards written out for me and once I moved out of the house, I looked forward to receiving them in the mail. The one year my Mom sent cards and they arrived a day late, I never let her forget it. Similarly, Cory ordered my presents this year on the 10th through Amazon and because of the snowstorm, I will be receiving those a day late. He’s never going to live this down. I’m a tough one when it comes to my Birthday. A real certified pain in the a$$.

In recent years, I’ve chilled a little bit. I had a year where snow derailed my Birthday celebration and I had to get over it. A couple of years ago, I had a miscarriage on my Birthday and spent about 10 hours with my wonderful father-in-law (remember, it was his Birthday as well) at the hospital. Nightmare on so many levels.

So this year, when I heard we were getting a huge snowstorm, I was disappointed but braced myself for what could honestly only be seen as a wonderful gift – my beautiful, noisy, crazy-a$$ family all under one roof.

Man am I lucky.

Goodnight, 33. Thanks for the great year.

Posted by Dani in The Playbook

11 Step Program for those of you considering parenthood…

I saw this article a few times before, but I was never able to find the original author to give credit. It’s good enough to post, so apologies to the author for the lack of credit but if anyone knows who wrote it, let me know. Enjoy!

Lesson 1

1. Go to the grocery store.

2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.

3. Go home.

4. Pick up the paper.

5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2

Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their…

1. Methods of discipline.

2. Lack of patience.

3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.

4. Allowing their children to run wild.

5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child’s breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.

Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3

A really good way to discover how the nights might feel…

1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)

2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.

3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.

4. Set the alarm for 3AM.

5. As you can’t get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.

6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.

7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.

8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.

9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4

Can you stand the mess children make? To find out…

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.

2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.

3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.

4. Then rub them on the clean walls.

5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.

6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5

Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.

1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.

2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.

Time allowed for this – all morning.

Lesson 6

Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don’t think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don’t look like that.

1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.

Leave it there.

2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.

3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.

4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week’s groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8

1. Hollow out a melon.

2. Make a small hole in the side.

3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.

4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.

5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.

6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9

Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you’re thinking What’s ‘Noggin’?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10

Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying ‘mommy’ repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each ‘mommy’; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11

Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the ‘mommy’ tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

This is all very tongue in cheek; anyone who is parent will say ‘it’s all worth it!’ Share it with your friends, both those who do and don’t have kids. I guarantee they’ll get a chuckle out of it. Remember, a sense of humor is one of the most important things you’ll need when you become a parent!

Posted by Dani in Lists