Mommy, let me see your penis!

The kids and I are shoved into a bathroom stall at the mall and there are people waiting.  Ryan goes to pee and then it’s my turn.  He looks behind me as I go. 

“Mommy, why does the pee come out of your tushy?”

“It doesn’t come out of my tushy, it just looks like it.  I’ll explain when we’re in private.”

“Where’s your penis?”

Whispering.  “You know I don’t have a penis because I’m a girl.  Girls have…”


Alrighty then.  We walk out to about five smirking women and a few red-faced girls.  Awesome.  This is gonna rock.

I thought it would be a swell idea to take the kids and go on a return-a-thon since I had no other plans and didn’t want to sit at home all afternoon.  Let it be known that I never return ANYTHING.  If I bought it, it’s because I tried it on and I like it.  I’m not one to buy two pair of shoes with the intention of returning one after I try them on at home.  But I received some gifts when Alexa was born that just weren’t my her taste along with gifts from Ryan’s 3rd Birthday (yes, you read that right) that we didn’t need and shoved everything and everyone in the car on a quest to get hundreds of dollars in store credit. 

Let it also be known that I avoid like the plague taking Ryan to any kind of store.  I’m sure that the same will happen with Alexa.  Between the ages of 1-3, I find it to be one big yell-fest: 

Please stop hiding under the clothing racks! 

If I can’t see you, you’ve gone too far. 

Please stop screaming – you’re scaring people!  Lexi’s face is not bleeding.  It’s her food.

No, we can’t go up and down the escalator because we have a stroller.

No, we can’t leave Lexi alone so we can go up and down the escalator.

Unless you want a job, please do not stand behind the cash register. 

Get up off of that floor!  It’s disgusting! 

Stop trying to break your sister’s arm!

Please don’t touch the ______________.

If you don’t stop ____________, you will not be going on the rides at the end.

And so on. 

But it was cute seeing him in the real world, taking it all in.  And worth it, too.  I ended up with about $600 in store credit, if you count the trip to Target and Buy Buy Baby from earlier in the day when Ry was in school. 

The highlights, according to Ryan:

Whose car is this and why isn't it in the parking lot?

Who drove this motorcycle in here? Did it crash through the window?

Hooray for Lexi!

This is taking forever. I found a bed to sleep on.

I love the rides. This is my favorite part.

Mine, personally, was the penis comment.  But apparently my vote doesn’t count.

  1. LB says:

    You just made me laugh out loud – thanks, I needed that!

  2. Susan says:

    I also laughed out loud, partly because I’ve been there and done that with Ryan and partly because I’ve been there and done that with my own boys. One day it will get better, that day will just not be tomorrow.

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