I’m in Alexandria, VA for the weekend visiting my dear friend who is due to have a baby girl 11 days from now. Cory (bless his soul) is home with the kids and I am here by myself. You heard me. By myself. Do you know how AWESOME this is?
I’ll enlighten you.
1. In the past four years, I have rewound myself into illiteracy. It’s like when you haven’t had sex in a long time and think it’s somehow possible to reclaim your virginity. Well, I haven’t read a book (without falling asleep ten minutes later) in years. Yesterday, I sat on a train and read an entire book – cover to cover. Of course, it was one of my loser self-help books about sibling rivalry, but whatever. It was a book.
2. This morning, I woke up to a heavily pregnant woman saying, “Dani? It’s time to get up.” She was not on a monitor. She did not need a bottle. She said it sweetly and softly and didn’t repeat herself over and over again with increasing volume. It was also 11:22 a.m.
3. I have taken to cursing with abandon. The trash that is coming out of my mouth is something that doesn’t make me proud. But it’s fucking awesome. You heard me. FUCKING. AWESOME.
4. I have been finishing sentences. Having complete conversations. Chewing while I eat. Not looking at the clock. No laundry, dishes or housework. Haven’t seen a toy in hours. Went out to dinner and had a glass of wine. Got two iced coffees today. Two! Sat outside on a bench in the sun and laughed at some Mom wearing one baby and chasing after the other. HA HA HA, you poor sweaty bastard!
So my friend has this entire new world ahead of her – it’s beyond exciting to see her this way. I gave her a duffel bag of Alexa’s finest clothing and we washed, folded and hung everything up. We did some last-minute shopping, some returns and other errands. I remember being in that crazy in-between place - knowing that my life was about to change but not having a clue how it would. Feeling like a ticking time bomb. So uncomfortable that I wanted the baby out but scared to move onto the next phase. Thinking the baby couldn’t possibly grow any larger or stretch me any further.
My friend has 11 days (though I bet her husband $20 it will be less) to enjoy the freedoms that I’m so relishing at the moment. She has no clue how good she has it.
She also has no clue how good I have it.
I may whine from time to time about the things I’m not as free to do anymore since having kids. Being here is like being on a surreal vacation. And here’s what I think about any vacation – great place to visit, wouldn’t want to live there.
At least not permanently.
I can’t wait until my friend joins the ranks of the illiterate virgins that we are and longs for the days when she could pee in peace, wake up to an alarm clock and enjoy a full adult conversation without pausing to wipe someone’s a$$. Because when you really get down to it, watching a little being that you created walking and talking on this Earth is as close as you can get to perfection. And I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
But for a few days?