April 2011 Archive

Seeking life coach, free nanny, identical twin…

When Ryan was 9 months old, my therapist suggested that I find someone to watch him during our weekly sessions. Ryan had started walking and was generally not thrilled to be confined to a small room once a week while I talked to another adult for 45 minutes. Between opening drawers, trying to eat potting soil and climbing on the furniture, my son was becoming, well, a distraction.

But find someone to watch my baby? My parents lived in Philadelphia, my in-laws worked full time. I couldn’t imagine a complete stranger watching Ryan. But the way my therapist gently suggested it made sense and I wanted to pursue it. I was healed from Postpartum Depression but I had not yet found time in my day to focus solely on myself. And that was important for my ongoing mental health.

At first, I found a great option. My friend and neighbor G worked full-time and had a nanny for her daughter who was only a month older than Ryan. I knew her, liked her and she was willing to take Ry for the hour. It was great.

So great, in fact, that I wanted even more time for myself. I got high off of the feeling of that one hour of freedom. I was a member of a listserv consisting of parents in my Queens neighborhood and I asked around for a part-time nanny. Mondays, 9-6. This way, I could have my therapy session and go food shopping, to doctor’s appointments, anything that would give me a “me” day and allow me to spend the other 6 days totally focused on Ryan and not on my to-do list. We were lucky that we could afford this at the time and through the listserv I found someone perfect.

S came every Monday for two years. It was the perfect life balance. I felt level-headed and energized as a wife, mother and friend. When we decided to move, the distance would make it impossible to keep S, so we said our sad goodbyes.

A second child, a house, a blog and a business that I’m trying to get off the ground later, I WANT HER BACK. Or someone like her to appear on my doorstep. It would be ideal if she would work for free as well…

Man, I knew I was lucky to have that one day a week but I REALLY could use it now.

The wheels of my mind spin like crazy at the end of each day. I am not any busier than anyone I know, yet I need someone to put my life in order.

Tell me, people. How do you DO it? And can you help me? Because I’m about to either clone myself or give up something that I don’t want to give up.

I want to get at least 6 hours of sleep a night. Exercise 6 days a week. Blog 3x weekly. Finish all of the startup work on my website and get the business up and running. Stop always being in some state of laundry-doing. Shuttle my kids where they need to go. Play with them. Keep the house clean. Be a good friend. Put together the climbers that are sitting in a box in my backyard. Plan Lexi’s party. Make hair accessories every night and ship out orders. Upload pictures once a month. Get gifts for Birthdays and special occasions. Food shop. Get the car inspected. Read. Spend quality time with Cory. Watch a few innings of the baseball game. Write timely responses to my readers who send in questions. Do errands. And all that other stuff that makes up a regular day, week, month…

So this isn’t Earth-shattering stuff, but there just isn’t enough time in the day. So please tell me how you do it.

I’m listening.

Posted by Dani in Blah blah blah, complaints, etc., The Playbook and tagged with clone me, I need help, part-time nanny, taking care of me, therapy

Disconnected

Today, I left the house completely naked.

Meaning, I forgot my phone.

I must have panicked five times over the course of the four hours I was out without the ability to communicate. I even lamented the *absurdity* that there were no pay phones around. I can’t tell you the last time I saw a pay phone. Do they still exist?

First, I tried to use OnStar in my car and was greeted with a message that my 6 month trial period had recently expired. I almost joined on the spot just so I could call Cory to let him know I was without my phone. I had visions of Ryan’s head falling off and the school trying frantically to reach me, only to have to make the grim decision themselves to tape it back on instead of using hot glue. I also realized the emergency information card on file has like five other people’s phone numbers in case I can’t be reached. That didn’t stop me from passing the school just to make sure it wasn’t on fire.

Then I decided that even though Alexa has her 1 year well-visit tomorrow, I would show up unannounced today because she has been really uncomfortable and cranky with sleep issues the past few days and I didn’t know if it was teething or an ear infection. Since I didn’t have my phone, I couldn’t call ahead. They took me and she was fine, just teething. I asked if this visit could be kept on the DL because it’s kind of embarrassing to be *that mother* and make some emergency visit for peace of mind when it’s not even my first child.

So what did our parents do when we were teenagers and didn’t have cell phones? I remember going out, telling my parents where I was going and having a curfew but my parents honestly had no idea where I was. How could they? I remember a few times my parents said they were close to calling the police because I was five minutes late. I can’t imagine. The thought makes me so nervous that I may imbed a tracking device in my kids’ wrists.

At what age did you/do you plan to give your kids the responsibility of carrying a cell phone?

Posted by Dani in Safety and tagged with cell phone, OnStar, safety, tracking device

Dishwasher

I could leave a photo of me and another man in the dishwasher and it would take four years for Cory to find out about the affair. (And yes, the photo is waterproof and indestructable for you overthinkers.)

Posted by Dani in Men and tagged with men doing chores

Reader Letters – Transition Tantrums

Three tantrum letters this week – must be April Break!

Banging your head against the wall because you’re trying to balance three kids on your lap while you pee?

Faking a migraine because you just.can’t.play Tea Party for the 4,512th time?

Sucks to be you!

No but really, tantrums are hard. You’re definitely not alone. I was really lucky with Ryan because he never threw himself on the floor and kicked and screamed. Maybe because he’s not wired that way. Maybe because I staved off the tantrums by using some of the tricks I’ll share with you. Who knows?

I’m going to zero in on transition tantrums. All three letters dealt with transitions – from leaving the playground to Daddy leaving for work to going in the car to do errands.

Here are 5 tricks you can try (and please comment with your own tips/successes/failures - the best support is support from people who have been there). If these don’t work, send me an e-mail and I’ll go over your specific situation and try to help!

1. Give notice. One of the major triggers for a meltdown is to spring on your kid that you’re leaving without any notice. Picture this: You’re at the beach. Bobby is building a sandcastle and is about to make a moat when you quickly pack up your stuff, tap him on the shoulder and say “We’re leaving now. Please grab your sippy cup and let’s go.”

If I was sipping a vodka cranberry poolside and someone yanked it out of my hand and said, “Time’s up, lady! I need you off the premises immediately!” I’d surely be pissed.

Kids thrive on routine and structure and need to know what’s coming next in their day to help them feel secure. Rather than suddenly announcing your departure, give a ten minute warning so that they can get used to the idea of leaving. They may protest, but it won’t be such a shock when it’s actually time to go. Then give another warning at 5 minutes. This gives them time to finish what they were doing, say goodbye to friends and mentally prepare to leave. A one-minute warning should finish up the job. No negotiations for more minutes. You gave ample time. It’s no longer a shock and your child will feel he/she had some control.

2. Give information. This goes hand-in-hand with giving notice. Tell your child what’s coming next and what you expect. For example, if Becky throws a tantrum every time you leave for work, give her some information to make her feel respected and give her something to look forward to. “Becky, I’m leaving for work in five minutes because I have to make my train. I’ll miss you, but I know you’ll have a great day. I will see you at 6 o’ clock, so be ready for a Tickle Party!”

3. Don’t feed the fire. If you drag out the goodbye, let Becky hang on your leg, give her ten hugs and repeat, “I know, I’ll miss you too! This is horrible! I wish I didn’t have to go to work and we could play Tickle Party all day!” as you drag her across the floor, she will try and squeeze every last bit of time with you out and you’ll end up with ripped, tear-stained pants. Be calm. Leave quickly. Don’t look back. Once Becky sees that her show won’t get her anywhere, she will stop putting it on for you. It may take a few times, but she’ll stop if you stay consistent. Promise.

4. Give a limited choice. Children like to have a say in things, to control situations instead of being controlled. If two tasks have to be done, let the child choose which comes first. “Okay Liz, would you like to brush your teeth first or put on your pajamas?”

5. Make the tasks more fun. If Benjamin throws a fit when it’s time to get dressed for school, make it into a game. Put on a timer and see how quickly you can get him dressed together. See if he can do it before you complete ten jumping jacks.

If your baby can’t stand laying on the changing table, make up a silly getting dressed song complete with ridiculous faces and belly kisses. Put the (clean!) diaper on the baby’s head to make her laugh. Put her shirt on her feet. Babies like the unexpected.

So, in conclusion – if you try any of these, or the combination of all 5 and you’re still getting nowhere, just look at your kid and yell, “WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU’RE LUCKY I DON’T SHOVE YOU RIGHT BACK WHERE YOU CAME FROM YOU TINY, LOUD INGRATE!”

That should do the trick.

Posted by Dani in Reader letters and tagged with 5 minute warning, tantrums, transitions

Two Definitions of a Problem

The phone rings. My in-laws are out food shopping at Whole Foods with Ryan.

MIL: “We have a little problem. Actually, it’s a big one.”

Me: “What’s wrong?!?!?” (I begin to have visions of Ryan’s finger caught in a cheese slicer. Or the car door.)

MIL: “So we got an apple pie and an orange bundt cake with some icing on it and we wanted another cake but the plain pound cake seems so boring along with the others. So what do you think? We can either do a chocolate cake or….” (Or he knocked over a crate of glass bottles at the supermarket and four people were rushed to the hospital with deep bloody gashes to their legs.)

Me (snapping back to attention): “Wait, so I just want to be clear – this CAKE thing is the problem, yes?”

MIL: “Yes, this is our big problem.” (Laughs)

Me (big sigh): “Okay good. I think we have two different definitions of a ‘problem’. I know it’s been a while since your kids were little, but when I hear that there’s a big problem, I think that Ryan wandered off with gypsies or he was indoctrinating kids into some preschool gang in the checkout line.”

Satisfied that I could solve this problem without going to a hospital or a jail, I chose either another fruit-type cake or a chocolate cake. Meanwhile, this is the only trouble Ryan was getting into:

Posted by Dani in Randomness that doesn't fit into a category and tagged with big problem, food shopping, Whole Foods

4 Our Birthday Boy, Ryan Chase

April 8, 2007.

You arrived eight days early. Fitting, because you’re always ready for an adventure. At nine months old, you were walking. The littlest man we’d ever seen on two feet.

It took us a while to get used to our new life. Us? Responsible for a baby? We felt like kids ourselves. Now we can’t imagine our lives without you. You are our lives. You made us a family.

A year passed and we couldn’t wait to hear what you would say. Now we can’t seem to stop you from talking. Questioning. Moving. Everything you do is go go go. We wouldn’t have it any other way. You are a bundle of energy and curiosity.

Two years old and we’re knee-deep in The Wiggles, Thomas the Train, colors, numbers, shapes and letters. Everything you see amazes you. You forget nothing. You test us from here to there and back again. We love watching you navigate this big, amazing world. And oh, that voice. It is the cutest, sweetest voice. We want to bottle it up and keep it forever. Ditto your long, curly hair.

At three, we notice the biggest changes of all. Your ability to reason, to empathize, to describe and to question grows in leaps and bounds. You express yourself beautifully through play, language, song and imagination. You develop real friendships. You love cars, trucks and things that move – much like you. You know what you want and you let it be known. You love holding center court, although it overwhelms you all the same. We love your independence, intelligence and ability to make us laugh with a silly face or a crazy song.

And now you are four. We don’t know what this next year will bring, but we can’t wait to find out. You have two parents who adore you and a baby sister who believes you hung the moon.

You fill our hearts with love and our heads with grey hair. Your innocence is endearing and your defiance is infuriating. The depths of our emotions for you are impossible to describe.

What an amazing ride we’re on together. What an amazing child.

You make us proud. You make us better. You make us love deeper.

We love being your Mommy and Daddy. We love you to infinity and beyond!

Posted by Dani in Birthdays and tagged with Family, Ryan's 4th Birthday, Through the years

Birthday Hangover

Nope, totally haven’t died. Just recovering from Ryan’s Birthday Weekend. Yes, all caps. Been working on my biz and taking naps instead of writing. Priorities, you know. I explained in my how-to series that successful bloggers update their content regularly. I can give you a list of those people if you’d like.

Wait – please don’t leave me! I’ll be back soon – promise.

Posted by Dani in Birthdays and tagged with Birthday Weekend, hangover

How to be a successful Mommy Blogger – Part 3 of 3

Yo yo yo.

Part 3 is going to be straightforward. Here goes:

1. Comment on other people’s posts. But don’t just write, “Great post” or “I just wrote about that on my blog, too! Check it out at www.playingmom.com.” Take the time to visit other people’s posts, Tweets and statuses and they will take the time to visit yours.

2. If you get the opportunity to Guest Post on someone’s blog who is already established, DO IT. It should be a post that is written solely for that person’s blog. I am still spinning my wheels trying to come up with a post for Scary Mommy (the first Mommy blogger I ever read and my friend’s BFF from high school). I am nervous because I barely have enough ideas for my own blog at the moment! At this point, she’ll probably reject me for taking my sweet ass time.

3. If you’re serious about getting a mass following, networking, marketing yourself and improving upon your craft, go to blogging and social media conferences. At least that’s what I’ve heard. Some of the popular ones are Bloggy Bootcamp, BlogHer, Blissdom and SheCon. If I asked Cory if I could hop on a plane with the intent to drink wine and shoot the breeze with women bloggers in an attempt to broaden my blog’s exposure while leaving him alone with the kids, I think he would laugh heartily in my face. After all, we all know this is like a written family keepsake for me and nothing more. Sometimes I get stars in my eyes, but I wipe them away and remember I have hundreds of dollars of merchandise for a business that I need to launch by summer. Monetizing my blog? Maybe someday. Probably not.

4. Giveaways. Not some baby blanket you got as a gift but can’t return because you’re past the 90-day return period. If a big company isn’t knocking down your door, think outside the box and give away a product that you believe in and think people will like. Then post your giveaway on Twitter, Facebook and your blog. Entries can range from commenting on or “Liking” a post to spreading the word through retweets. I haven’t done one yet. I never said I’m a successful Mommy blogger – just that I know what they do

5. Update your content regularly. Notice how I just went 5 days in-between posts? Yeah, don’t do that.

(This post is dedicated to ELW – welcome to the world, baby girl!)

Posted by Dani in Blogging Basics and tagged with Blissdom, blog conferences, Bloggy Bootcamp, BlogHer, commenting, giveaways, guest posting, Scary Mommy, SheCon

How to be a successful Mommy Blogger – Part 2 of 3

Without further ado, I’ll just pick up where I left off. If you’re thoroughly confused about “where I left off”, please see my previous post from yesterday-slash-last month.

Don’t write anything that you wouldn’t want your parents to read. Yes, that includes writing a Top 10 list entitled “Reasons Why I Am Certain My Biological Mother Is Still Out There” or “I Had Multiple Orgasms Last Night and Here’s How You Can, Too”. This is another thing that successful bloggers pay no heed to. But I just can’t do it. Besides, I pay my therapist for a reason.

Pick a niche… I don’t claim to be an expert in papier maiche, Morse code or zipper repair – so I simply don’t write about those topics. Parenting, on the other hand… I’m like a how-to book for Dummies. My kids are the smartest, most congenial and mannerly children ~~to ever get pushed out of my body~~, so obviously I’m going to spread the knowledge.

…and stick to it. Don’t go all AWOL if your blog is supposed to be about family matters and write about random things just to put out a post. I am a great example of what NOT to do. Sometimes I give parenting advice, sometimes I voice my disdain about why I was allowed to procreate in the first place. Then I ask questions such as, “What do I do with my children when they’re not sleeping?” then turn around and write a product review about cool baby gadgets. Sometimes, I’ll write a scathing article about child kidnappings, then get serious and put a curse on the person who made me spill my iced coffee. Seconds later, I’ll turn around and interview a leprechaun politician. It’s all very confusing.

Also, plain-old family blogs number in the hundreds of thousands, so it’s good to have some kind of offbeat focus in addition if you can. I don’t have one, but here are a few suggestions for you that just may work:

Polygamous marital strife
Tightrope walking
Easy magic tricks that will even baffle your Uncle Peter

Use social networking to your advantage. Facebook and Twitter are great ways to connect to a wide audience quickly. For example, I set up a Fan Page on Facebook so that whenever I post, it shows up in interested fans’ News Feeds. When someone “Likes” my page, it shows up for all of their friends to see. You can increase your readership exponentially… unless you’re me. (But if you’re one of my readers, I love you. I really do. There’s just no good reason why I deserve you, so thank you for giving me the time of day.) You can also install the Twitter widget to link directly to your blog or social networking site.

Alas, if you’re pressed for time but want to get famous ASAP, you can always use the following fallback: write an inflammatory tweet about a person/brand/world event such as “#BarackObama doesn’t care about black people”, “I found a brick of cow dung in my #KraftMacaroni and Cheese” or “I’m having a sleepover with #MGhadafi tonight – text me for location” and that should do the trick. People troll the internet waiting to pounce on such tweets and you’ll be invited to red carpet events in no time.

If you are afraid to start because you’re not the most computer literate, get a book or two on blogging basics before diving in. When I used the word “widget” above, did you think I was being rude to Little People or did you nod in understanding? I have quite a few books that got me from writing on scrap paper to publishing this junk that you’re reading right now, but I still have MUCH work to do. Books will introduce you to the world of hosting, domains, themes, categories, pages, tags, plugins, blah blah and blah. I don’t remember anything about these or I would tell you.

Tune in next time for some real advice that may actually be useful to you.

Posted by Dani in Blogging Basics and tagged with Barack Obama, Facebook fan pages, Ghadafi, Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, leprechaun politicians, Morse code, papier maiche, social networking, Twitter widget, zipper repair