1. He actually thought it would be cheaper than going to a play place. Is he kidding? Has he gotten a chance to know me over the past 14 years? This is going to be like my second wedding.
2. For the 48 hours leading up to the big event I am like a crazy PMS robot gunning down everyone in my wake. People closest to me go first.
3. I am stressing that there won’t be enough food which means a mid-party run to the supermarket or the nearest catering hall, which means more money (see #1). Bonus points for reminding me that most parties feature only pizza and cake and that the guests don’t end up dying of starvation.
4. He will be subjected to cruel and unusual punishment in the form of wrapping favors, using Magic Erasers to scrub down climbing equipment and tying colored ribbon onto plastic white chairs.
5. I forced him to take Friday off of work so he can be my slave. In no way will this feel like a vacation. It may resemble a slightly nicer version of hell.
6. He will be subjected to multiple middle-of-the-night wakeups so I can pester him about my to-do list and constant worries that the party won’t be any fun.
7. I have formally relinquished my duties as “Mother” and am now to solely be referred to as “Party Planner”. Ryan needs his tush wiped? Your job, Daddy-o!
8. He doesn’t know it yet, but he’s waking up with the kids. I’m tired from my late night date with the hot glue gun. (Update: he did it without me having to ask. What a good, good man.)
9. Home parties need a theme, or at least that’s what I decided before I picked out the invitations. So in the spirit of Alice in Wonderland, Cory will be wearing a Mad Hatter hat made of green velvet in 80 degree heat.
10. He was coerced into signing a contract stating that if the party is a smashing success, it was all my doing. If it sucks, it’s only because he gave me no creative control. In addition, he must apologize to our guests by throwing himself onto the barbecue and allowing them to throw skewers at him.